A fellow player writes: Got chatting to a girl on OKCupid, I jokingly mentioned sex, drugs and rock n roll, she said she needed all 3. Asked for her number and promised to text the following week but never did. Few weeks pass and last week I finally text saying I’m ready to deliver sex, drugs n rock n roll. We get some flirty texts going and end up on how hard she likes to be fucked and when she last had sex, I casually mention I’ve been fucking a Brazilian girl all week. OKCupid girls is really keen to set a date for meet up. I text her saying that I’m not sure Scottish girls can match up to Brazilian girls in the bedroom to which she responds “I’m English actually, might be a good match”. I think this is where I fuck it up by responding “Been with enough English girls to know they’re not much different from Scottish girls. Prove me wrong?” She replied “I’m guessing you’re a player! I might be ready, not looking for sex right now though.” Did I fuck it up? Can it be salvaged? What should I reply? Thanks.

He was doing well, but really shot himself in the foot there at the end… Another classic case of over-gaming a girl. This is NOT a situation where you want to “Agree and Amplify.” When you’re courting a girl (especially online), it’s counter-productive to escalate things because you ALWAYS risk scaring a girl away. By talking too much early on, you have a higher chance of screwing up by saying something stupid, beta, or overly offensive. It’s easier to feign seriousness with body language (i.e. a smirk) or to recover from something you said immediately when you do it in person. It’s also less easily misconstrued as game, especially if your intentions weren’t devious. This is another reason I recommend that you refrain from communicating too much before a first date. It’s especially hard to make a girl more attracted to or comfortable with you when you aren’t dealing face to face (this includes IMs, texting, emails, etc.). Let’s look at what went wrong in the above example.

Her: “I’m English actually, might be a good match”. Him: “Been with enough English girls to know they’re not much different from Scottish girls. Prove me wrong?” Her: “I’m guessing you’re a player! I might be ready, not looking for sex right now though.” When something like this happens, it’s not always immediately over. Ease off the game a bit and try again. One way of doing this is to pretend as if your last exchange never occurred. In the above scenario, he basically propositioned her for sex with his line, “Prove me wrong?” Girls may open up and talk about sex, but outright asking for it directly was a big mistake. To recover, he could ignore her last text in the example above and say: “What are you doing next Wednesday? Let’s grab a drink.” Lock it down.

You don’t want her returning to what was said or it’s definitely over. In fact, the last thing you want to do is continue talking about sex. What good does that do if she’s not in front of you anyway (especially if you haven’t met her yet)? If she liked you enough she’ll agree to the date and you haven’t completely lost her. However, if she comes up with an excuse and does not give you an alternate day instead, it’s time to move on… you’re done.